Gaslighting

Gaslighting defined

To manipulate someone using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning. Oxford Languages

The American Psychological Association defines Gaslighting as, manipulation of another person into doubting their own perceptions, experiences or understanding of events, 

The term “gaslighting” was coined from the 1938 play called Gas Light. In which the husband manipulates a wife into thinking she is crazy by slyly changing the intensity of the gas light in their home when she was left alone. He does in an attempt to make her believe she cannot trust her herself or her memory. 

Gaslighting is usually more complex than an off-the-cuff lie and far more nefarious. Gaslighting someone into believing they’re wrong is often part of a “larger plan,” Merriam-Webster.

It is a legitimate and “extremely effective form of emotional abuse,” according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which has resources for survivors on recognizing gaslighting. The New York Times also wrote about “medical gaslighting,” when patients, especially women and people of color, are dismissed by physicians who downplay the severity of their symptoms. 

Gaslighting remains one of the most serious and insidious forms of psychological abuse. It runs rampant in unhealthy, abusive, and toxic relationships, because it is so successful at causing the victim of abuse to question themselves so intensely. It’s incredibly effective and upsetting to the victim in these dynamics. You can read more about the 5 different types of gaslighting here.  from Woven Together trauma therapy

What does gaslighting sound like?

• “You’re so dramatic”
• “You’re too sensitive”
• “You’re too emotional”
• “You’re imagining things”
• “You know you sound insane right now, right?”
• “You’re always making stuff up”
• “You’re making a big deal out of nothing, like always”
• “Nothing you’re saying makes sense, do you even hear yourself?”
• “You’re being paranoid”
• “You’re acting crazy” or “you’re overreacting”
• “I was joking! You take everything personally”
• “That never even happened.” “This is what happened…” or “this is what I said…”
• “Why should I believe you? Everyone knows you’re full of it”
• “You’re not thinking clearly”
• “You’re making yourself the victim when I’m the one who should be mad.  Sherri Gordon 
Sherri Gordon, CLC is a published author, certified professional life coach, and bullying prevention expert.

Gaslighting is insidious

Gaslighting does not just start out of the blue, it is slow and progressive. It happens over many years in families or relationships. It is a form of bullying. Certain people wish to believe that they are controllers in the relationship dynamic. Perhaps they really feel powerless and bullying makes them feel powerful. How were you advised about bullies in grade school?  If you ignore their actions or placate their actions they will move on. Well, the goal of gaslighting is to make the target doubt their judgements and life’s decisions. You may have never doubted your decisions, but wondered, why are the people that should love and support you trying to make you doubt your rationality?  How will they benefit if you feel or are deemed emotionally unstable? They will not benefit financially, but maybe just emotionally, nothing more than trying to ruin someone else’s life to make themselves feel more powerful, another “sick” power move of the enemy. 

The best defense is to ignore the insult, do not give it any credence, and know, 7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV ). The King James Version says it this way, 7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV) When people want you to question your choices, you may have to meditate and let this scripture ruminate in your mind.  After all your decisions are directed by God and His Spirit. You do not need to defend your decisions or choices for your life. 

The best defense

Why gaslighting and why consult to have others to join into the manipulation and assault?  King David of the Bible recognized that from a young child his siblings and others have tried to minimize his position in life, as he was the youngest sibling. They attempted through manipulative behaviors, to persuade David that he had no future. However, God had a plan for David. A plan for leadership and royalty. When David was alone as a shepherd boy, God was preparing him for greatness. This is where David learned to trust in God for his present and future life. He learned to seek the face of God in every situation. He learned to rely on God.

You cannot stop people from using this technique. The more you challenge them, the more power you give them. The best defense is not offense. Further, the perpetrators will take whatever is said and try to twist it into something different every time. The best defense is to give the situation to God. He wants to be your help in every aspect of your life. He is a defense that cannot be manipulated. He will give you responses that when you reflect back on the situation, were magnificently effective, so much so that you will laugh in amazement.

“But let all those rejoice who put their trust in You; Let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them; Let those also who love Your name Be joyful in You.12 For You, O Lord, will bless the righteous; With favor You will surround him as with a shield”. Psalms 5:11c-12 | NKJV a side note, none of us is righteous, however because of Jesus’ sacrifice, we have been deemed righteous by the blood of our sacrificial lamb, Jesus Christ.

God wants to be a part of every aspect of our lives. A Psalm of David:  9 “Those who want to kill me will be destroyed; they will go down to the depths of the earth. 10 They will be given over to the sword and become food for jackals. 11 But the king will rejoice in God; all who swear by God will glory in him, while the mouths of liars will be silenced.” Psalms 63:9-11 (NIV). I believe that David is speaking of Satan and his earthly demons. Hell was prepared for the Devil and his followers. 

Notice David does not question these gaslighting perpetrators. Perhaps they do not understand their behaviors themselves. He asks God instead, and David’s response, 5 “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. 6 Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress; I will not be shaken. 7 My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. 8 Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. 9 Surely the lowborn are but a breath, the highborn are but a lie. If weighed on a balance, they are nothing; together they are only a breath.” Psalm 62:5-9 (NIV)   

Trust in God

Trust in God. Do not put your trust in what people say or do. People are being manipulated by Satan, the enemy. He is using people because he hates the lovers of God. Jesus said, 18 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. 20 Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also.” John 15:18-20a (NIV)

Satan and his underworld devils are nothing but a breath, not a mighty tornado. We have the Spirit of God to live with us and in us! Nothing is more powerful than God’s Spirit. Jesus knew we would face manipulation by the enemy, this is why He warned, when he was about to ascend to Heaven, 16 “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever; the Spirit of truth, God’s Spirit. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.  John 14: 16-17 (NIV)

People allow themselves to be manipulated by satan in situations they do not understand. When the targets decide to make a change or pursue different avenues of life, the perpetrators do not understand. Perhaps this change makes them feel uncomfortable. Because they feel uncomfortable with change, they are open to manipulation by the enemy. Some scientific works support confrontation with use of language to challenge the “gaslighters”. However, gaslighters will never admit to lying, slanderous behaviors, so confrontation is futile. 

God has a purpose

God has a purpose for everyone. People that choose to Gaslight are unhappy because they chose not to listen to God’s dreams for their lives? They have not taken the risk to trust God. Trusting God takes patience and most of all hard work. They find it easier to try to intimidate others instead perusing their dreams or God’s dreams for their lives. God will never impose His dreams on anyone without their acceptance. He gives us free will; but He has hopes and dreams for our lives right here on Earth, 11  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. “Jeremiah 29:11c-12 ( NIV )

No one knows why people choose to Gaslight others, but I believe it is a trick of the enemy.  1 “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.” 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NIV)

In Summary

When in relationship with people who behave as the fore mentioned, it may be hard to distance yourself, but these behaviors are toxic. Take the poison in small doses, only after you feel the strength of God’s Spirit within. It is not you or your decisions, it’s the way of this world to perpetuate hate.  

Now that you know what Gas Lighting is or have an enhanced understanding, if you are a target, please do not hesitate to reach out for help. This is a serious offense; trauma therapists are available to help you. It is beneficial to couple counseling with the Word of God. God has many ways of helping his children, a licensed professional and God’s Word are excellent starts.